Recently, Paul and Amanda attended a fancy dinner, at which they were seated beside a life coach. This life coach told them that if they were to compile a list of 100 to 700 goals, and then hide this list somehwere (i.e. the internet) that every single one of these goals will come true. The life coach also said you have to do it in between the ages of 21-24 or something, so I dropped the boat there, but I'm going to do it anyways. Now, here's part one of a seven part series.
Ian Baker's 700 Goals
1. Go to a fancy dinner
2. Remember salad dressing
3. Go to the moon
4. Become president of the United States of America
5. Survive a Zombie apocalypse
6. Mow the lawn
7. Go back in time and write all of Shakespeare's works
8. Buy a new coat
9. Institute new 25 hour days
10. Never wear orange coloured clothing again
11. Live a year underwater
12. Accidentally invent time travel
13. Get a new word entered into the Oxford English Dictionary
14. Abolish slavery
15. Succeed in reducing the cost of apples by at least three cents, worldwide
16. Steal a Conn Smythe trophy (preferably Bill Ranford's)
17. Live the same day over and over again for a year, like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day except in real life
18. Drop it like it's hot
19. Wear mismatched socks
20. Star in a movie with Marlon Brando
21. Stay up to see the sun rise over the ruins of Tokyo
22. Perform invasive surgery on a human with absolutely no training; have that person survive
23. Eliminate climate change; the climate is so hot right now
24. Get two and a half men cancelled again
25. Bring back VCRs
26. Seize the day
27. Become a robocop
28. Smoke weed everyday
29. Get an honorary degree from Harvard - not a real one
30. Defeat Oprah Winfrey in hand-to-hand combat to the death
31. Go to the store
32. Learn to drive a train
33. Become a long-haul trucker for the rest of my life
34. Replace Jon Bon Jovi in Bon Jovi
35. Replace Eddie Van Halen in Van Halen
36. Win a Gold Medal in Women's Figure Skating, without any kind of surgery
37. Ensure that Goldie Hawn never makes another movie or TV show again, yet remains alive
38. Fake someone else's death - without them knowing about it
39. Become advisor to god
40. Get Purple Heart
41. Buy San Diego Padres hat
42. Write a novel
43. Rewrite, remake, and produce new versions of Star Wars Episodes 1-3
44. Become a platinum-selling Bluegrass artist
45. Assassinate Abraham Lincoln
46. Eat lunch
47. Sit in a recliner for a year without reclining it
48. Keep it on the DL
49. Fire Donald Trump
50. Suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
51. Own Walmart
52. Accept responsibility for my actions
53. Stop racism
54. Start a war
55. Become the Canadian Margaret Atwood
56. Replace both Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel in Simon and Garfunkel
57. Help pie defeat cake
58. Invent a new mistake
59. Abolish pudding
60. Drive across the Atlantic Ocean
61. Ball outrageous
62. Hide this list of goals
63. Get to 700 goals
64. Grow an extra arm
65. Write a new york times bestseller
66. Earn a Nobel Peace Prize, but not a normal Nobel Prize
67. Maindeck Manic Vandals instead of Kargan Dragonlords
68. Manage a pro baseball team for a week (preferably the Yankees)
69. Hehhehe.
70. Drink more coffee
71. Bring back Crystal Pepsi
72. Write for the national enquirer
73. Ensure not to repeat any goals
74. Make a life-sized replica of the death star
75. Never fall over again
76. Be more humble
77. Keep being the best person ever - alive or dead
78. Slap Drew Carey
79. Popularize tomatoes
80. Never sleep again
81. Never be tired again
82. Gamble my life's savings on a horse race - win
83. Replace the guy who is currently the most interesting man alive on those Dos Equis commercials
84. Get into the Guinness book of World's Records for something beard-related
85. Be more goal-oriented
86. Live life to it's fullest
87. Stop, drop, and roll
88. Slap the Queen of England
89. Buy a Chocolate bar
90. Visit Siberia
91. Let them eat cake
92. Ensure not to repeat any goals
93. Become the star player on the Pittsburgh Steelers
94. Find Dubonnet Amber for Mom
95. Keep it simple, stupid
96. Reduce acronym use - RAU
97. Target the main generator - Maximum Firepower
98. Quit smoking
99. Make a car that you drive while in bed
100. Use more parts of my brain
No comments:
Post a Comment